Cool is as cool does

The hot news in my house is that, I am cool. Being cool means, I do not react with a "WHAT" or a "SHUCKS" or a "Oh My God" to my parent’s problems.
Right now, the biggest problem they are facing is their concern of getting arrested for breaking into a room in their own home! The concern has been weighing in their minds since I have put a lock on my bedroom door and I am pretty cool about it.

My parents find me to be a wonderful young woman: smart, funny, loving, enterprising, talented and beautiful, perhaps the only drawback in my character being that I am overly cool about everything.

I have been telling them (rather threatening them) since I was approximately nine years old to move out as soon as I reach adulthood. Now, I am 24, out of college and working. So, guess where I am living?

Not that they mind. They love having me home. Though they complain that they seldom see me, only the sound of my voice in a telephone conversation with my friends, roughly at around 2 AM assures them I am fine.

They wish they could say the same about my room.

Last summer my room, as they claim, was a "disaster area". It was so bad that they felt like calling both the Governor’s and the President’s office to see as if they could have it officially declared as a disaster area, so they would be eligible for state or federal funds to clean the place up.

Sounds pathetic? Well, I was pretty cool about it. Nothing to get so hyped about.
They changed the carpet of my room, because the old one was covered with some bits of stains from spilled make-up, soda, food … nothing alarming, but folks felt, it looked like a herd of goats had being living in there.

So when my mom recently saw a bunch of beauty and hair care products scattered over the brand new carpet, she waited until I had gone to work, and she picked them up and put them in my bathroom. I was cool about her intrusion to my room in my absence, but having majored in Political Science and Economics, and learning about the constitutional rights to privacy, I responded coolly, by putting a lock on the door. Why not?

Folks were concerned if I could have them arrested for breaking and entering. To find out, they called up their prominent attorney friend with a brilliant legal mind still intact, even though he has three daughters. He suggested that mom enters my room, and gets arrested cause its easier for daddy to bail her our, rather than bailing himself out. How brilliant!

A cop friend of theirs suggested that they would be within their rights if they removed the lock, since I do not pay rent and thus they have squatter’s rights of the house. Even more brilliant!

Even though they are aware of their rights, I just came to know that my dad has decided to plead insanity to avoid charges of breaking into his daughter’s room, if I press charges against him.

I am, as usual, cool.